Sometimes it just isn't enough to commit a crime. Sometimes you want to do it with a little panache, a little style. These people have taken the art of law breaking to a new level. Whether it is a beloved children's character committing a heinous act, or death himself drunkenly stealing cell phones naked, these are the most ridiculous costumed criminals of all time.
Who are some of the most ridiculous costumed criminals of all time? What are criminal costumes? These people on this list will hopefully give you a guide of what not to wear if you're so dumb to commit a crime.
The 12 Most Ridiculous Costumed Criminals of All Time,
Captain America Arrested with Burrito in Pants
It seems to be that whenever you mix costumes and drinking that something unfortunate is going to happen to someone.
This was the case when a costume party full of medical professionals in Florida spilled out into the streets during a pub crawl.
A group of the party goers stopped at a local eatery when a doctor dressed as Captain America decided to make a few additions to his costume. He bought a burrito, shoved it down his tights, and proceeded to ask ladies in the restaurant to touch it. When they declined, he would remove the burrito and start groping them. This, by the way, must have been one resilient burrito. I can barely get one home without it spilling everywhere.
When the police arrived on the scene they could not differentiate the various costumed people, so they had to ask all the Captain Americas to exit the building to be interviewed.
The weirdest part is that there were that many Captain Americas present. To make things worse, he was caught trying to flush a joint down the toilet.
The burrito was later found in his boot and should probably be used for scientific research. They should make a space shuttle out of whatever this kind of burritos they're serving at this place.
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Man in Darth Vader Costume Robs NY Bank
"You have failed me for the last time, Mrs. Johnson, now hand over the loot."
A man dressed as Darth Vader walked away with an unspecified amount of money from a bank in Setauket, New York in 2010.
A customer even thought it might have been joke and started joking around with Darth Vader as he was robbing the bank at gunpoint, not believing that this was actually happening.
This is all there really is to this story, although it is astounding that he wasn't caught. He's described as a 6 foot 2 man wearing a Darth Vader costume and running through city streets.
The force was apparently strong with him that day, and the police force was apparently off-duty.
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The Stormtrooper Groper
27-year-old Dorothy MacSwoon was accused of sexually assaulting 10 NYU students over the course of two years. This doesn't sound like that many if you're out on a groping spree, but apparently something like 62% of college students have been molested or sexually harassed in some way on the NYU campus, so the sexually charged spree got some attention.
What makes these incidents more remarkable is that she carried them out while dressed as a Stormtrooper, a neo-facist officer of the Galactic Empire as depicted in the film series, Star Wars.
Now, this isn't the first time that there has been a story of someone dressing up and fondling people, but it is unique in the fact that it was a woman doing this, and also that she apparently had a website dedicated to Stormtrooper fetish photos. A WHOLE WEBSITE, OF SEXY STORMTROOPER PHOTOS.
An entire website that has, sadly, been taken down. Luckily, though, the Internet is riddled with stuff that is no longer available to humanity. Here are some prime examples:
Let's hope there are no nearby trees around, or she's a goner.
These are the sexually predatory legs you're looking for.
She's facing up to 15 years in jail and has a $400,000 fine to pay.
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Man Dressed in Breathalyzer Costume Gets a DUI
I bet the blow function goes over really well at parties (in his mind)
This one wins the most ironic award for this list.
James Miller was arrested by Ohio police on Halloween night for a DUI, while dressed as a Breathalyzer. Miller was pulled over while driving the wrong way down a one-way street. The police found an open container and a few cases of beer in the car.
I can only hope that when he was asked if he could blow into the breathalyzer, Miller responded with, "I have been trying for years."
Gumby Tries to Rob a Convenience Store
Gumby is one of those characters that really doesn't get enough play these days. That's why it's good to see that he is not forgotten. At least not by one ambitious, idiotic criminal.
A man was caught on tape trying to rob a convenience store while dressed as the lovable rubber creation from our childhoods. At first the owner thought it was a joke, but then Gumby said he had a gun. This is terrifying. Imagine someone in a Gumby costume saying they can kill you at any moment. Not only would it ruin Gumby for you in the minutes before your death, but the bullet would likely come out of some random part of Gumby's body, given that there's no room to comfortably shoot someone in a Gumby costume.
Which brings me to the best part of the story: the guy got caught up in his Gumby costume trying to draw his gun, but could not get to it, to the extent that he got twisted in his costume and decided to leave. It was at this point that it seems he had second thoughts about the crime, as he left without anything more than spare change.
It seems that Gumby should have left the crimes to the real criminal experts:
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Grim Reaper Goes on a Drunken Spree
We've all had those drunken nights out with friends that end strangely in ways that leave you with an emotional cocktail of a hangover and deep, grinding, unrelenting regret. That being said, Christopher Kelly of England, took it to a whole new level.
While out with friends one night, he got seperated from the group while stumbling on the beach. He also got separated from pieces of his clothing. Feeling cold and alone, Chris found an open window into the local city hall and ventured in for warmth.
This is where things got weird. Somewhere along the way he drunkenly soiled himself and threw out the messed underwear. He then went from room to room, taking photos with a camera that he had found as well as taking a cellphone to call his friends. He then found a Grim Reaper costume in one of the rooms, which he put on before leaving the building.
Once he left the city hall, he wandered down to the police station and waited for three hours for it to open. He turned himself in while still drunk.
He faced a six month conditional discharge after he admitted to having stolen from private property, trespassing, and public inebriation.
Criminal or hero?
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Cow Lady a Public Nuisance
There must be something in the water in Ohio.
Police were called to an intersection where a woman was blocking traffic, chasing children, urinating in public, and causing a general nuisance, all while dressed as a cow.
The police initially sent her home charged only with disorderly conduct, but later they were recalled to the same area after a few hours for the same lady in the cow costume blocking traffic and scaring children.
She was given a one month prison sentence. This did not happen on Halloween.
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Israeli Spider-Man Jumps on Tops of Cars, Swings Webs, Disrupts Peace
As much as we don't like to admit it, there are certain criminals that we have to admire, even if they've done something absolutely idiotic to get to where they are today. And the worst thing this guy really did was disrupt the peace, escape from the hospital, and start throwing ropes/lassos at people in traffic, and then jumping on the tops of cars.
Why did he do this, you ask? Nobody knows. Not even him. He told police that after being hit by a car and being taken to the hospital, he woke up wearing the costume with absolutely no recollection of where it came from. So what did he do in his disoriented state?
He got up and fought crime as the costumed hero himself, though "fighting crime" most likely meant lashing out at cars that he, at the time, saw as his "nemeses."
The anonymous man was jumping on cars while swinging, what was described as, a homemade webline when the police got various calls to the traffic help hotline complaining about something that sounded unbelievable, until authorities showed up at the scene.
Spider-Man never gets along with the cops.
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Man Dressed as Winnie the Pooh Mugs People with the Help of 3 Kids
You ever have one of those days?
You know, the type of day when you wake up cranky and the only thing that will make you feel better is to dress up like Winnie the Pooh and mug someone?
Tokyo resident, Masayuki Ishikawa, sure did. He was accused of beating and taking over 18,000 yen (roughly $235, or approximately 120 jars of hunny) from two men while dressed as the beloved storybook character.
When asked why he did it, Ishikawa stated, "I felt annoyed and wanted to terrify them."
Oh bother.
A more ridiculous fact, though, is that three kids helped him mug these people. Aged 15 to 16, they helped him terrify, assault, and rob innocent Japanese citizens. I mean, c'mon, if Winnie the Pooh asked you to help him mug someone, it's not like you wouldn't do it. You owe him.
I wonder if they made him touch his toes when they arrested him.
(Sidenote: yes, the picture you see above is an actual picture of Masayuki Ishikawa in the back of the cop car.)
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Man Dressed as Hedgehog Makes Bomb Threat
Police shot a 25-year-old man in Baltimore after he showed up at a TV station claiming to strapped with a bomb. The suspect was wearing a "bomb" that was actually made out of a life vest with chocolate bars attached to it with wire. He was also wearing a hedgehog (or bear???) onesie over the contraption. When he ignored police requests, he was shot by a sniper and taken into custody.